I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
