I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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