Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
