Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
