I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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