i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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