She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
