Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
