i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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