It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
