So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
