apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
