he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
