We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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