Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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