Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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