You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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