I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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