It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
