hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
