i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
