So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
