We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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