I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
