Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
