Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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