I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
