Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
