my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
