My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize