If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
