you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
