omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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