we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
