he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
