his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
