Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
