It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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