Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
