apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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