dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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