Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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