i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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