you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
