Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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