I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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