There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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