You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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