She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
