i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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