We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
