Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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