Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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