you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
