I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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