I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
