I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
