try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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