Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
