I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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