If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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