you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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