why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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