yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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