dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
