I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
