It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
