I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
