did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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