dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
